So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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