I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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