office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
