dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dicks are not precious.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
