I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
