We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
