Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
