OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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