i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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