He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize