I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
