tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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