i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
