I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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