God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you would pick up someone in the library
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
