david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
