I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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