I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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