Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
