she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
