I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
