My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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