he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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