May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
