tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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