Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
