from now on my penis is your penis
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
