? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
