Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
