Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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