Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my poor anus
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize