i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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