I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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