whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
