we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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