I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
