it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
