they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
