Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
