just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
