He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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