i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
