Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
