Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
