how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think my vagina is haunted
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
