this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
