If that was your dad, he is hot
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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