even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
