I hate your face
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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