If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
