I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize