If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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