o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
