Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
