Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
