i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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