If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
