Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
