Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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