Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize