His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize