Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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