Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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