She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
