and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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