I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
