right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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