i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
