we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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