after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize