I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
