Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
