Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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