Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize