she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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