She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
